Tag: relationships

  • tickle me this

    when do we outgrow tickles?
    i don’t think i know of one adult who will admit to loving being tickled – while i know many who tickle. thank Heaven for children who love being tickled – or we’d be surrounded by sad people clasping their hands under their armpits!

    what brings this on? well, my kids at kindergarten – of course! they love being tickled. in fact, in learning games – they actively seek out the booby traps that involve getting tickled! even being picked up (a stern favorite) takes a second place to being tickled. and boy is it fun!

    you see, i’m a tickler. even as a university student – i loved tickling my sister until she threatened to wet herself. (having a beard helped a lot to continue the madness after she’d managed to grab my hands.)

    and yes, i will admit that i love being tickled! (my Mom used to give the best tickles – though we would guard and protest oh so wholeheartedly ;0) )

    now that i think about it, i suspect our enjoyment of being tickled is dependent on our trust in the tickler. it is, after all, a fairly intimate exercise – both physically and emotionally. obviously you have to allow someone to get real close to you for them to tickle you *duh*
    but it’s the emotional intimacy that intrigues me. based on recent observations of my students (and fond memories of home); to truly enjoy a good tickle, you have to surrender to it completely. you have to give in and relinquish control for a few seconds. be in the moment – and enjoy with reckless abandon!

    maybe that is part of the reason why i love tickling – to experience such complete openness and unconditional trust is a rare thing in modern societies. a very, very beautiful thing to be sure. it’s a touch of heaven for the soul.

    maybe our response to tickling can be seen as a measure of o our openness to being loved unreservedly?

    Posted by ShoZu

  • love is a midnight snack

    … and i mean that literally :0)

    growing up, i often heard people say: “the road to a mans heart, is through his stomach”. romantically speaking, of course. “directly through the ribcage with a sharp object” only started doing the rounds in my student days. (but that’s not what this post is about.)

    what inspired the little filing clerk in my head to unearth that jewel of a saying, was this:

    Peter spontaneously decided to make me some tuna & cheese danbin for breakfast tomorrow morning (i get up hours before he does),

    and he made two extra portions for us to have right away :0P

    he isn’t one for talking a whole lot about the mushy, emotional stuff – but very few things say “i love you” to me, like a meal specially made for you… after midnight.

    am i or am i not the luckiest man alive?
    you bet your bottom dollar i am!

  • eish

    yesterday’s post was a functional cop-out. you see, i had had a very testing day – and what could’ve transpired through a heart-felt post… would’ve been nasty. desert storm-ish even. in the manner of: “ooh, my foot itches – let me blast off my entire leg with a pipe-bomb or two”.

    i do that sometimes…
    figuratively, of course.

    the source of my discontent, however, managed to worm into my head space again today. and if it wasn’t for Peter – i’d most probably be spewing all sorts of bile right now.

    you see, my unsuspecting knight in shining armor brought me something from the chicken bbq-lady close to his parents’ place. decadently oily and seriously delicious, the chicken skin and (brace yourself) chicken asses-on-a-stick* lifted my mood completely! nothing like a good, greasy treat to put a smile on my dial *lol* and not only does he treat me to random snacks of the most forbidden variety – he also listens patiently as i rant away and calls me his poor little bunny.

    laughing is such great medicine!

    all at once i’m reminded how trivial the annoyance at school really is – and how blessed i am to have Peter in my life. i mean really, who wouldn’t be?

    now if you’ll excuse me – he’s singing in the shower and i have nothing more to say ;0)

    *remind me to write something about oriental foods sometime – you wont believe how good some of the “previously unmentionables” are!
  • up to speed

    good morning everyone ;0)

    *contented sigh*

    it’s sunday morning here in Kaohsiung and i’ve managed to bundle the last laundry into the machine. for a brief moment – i have nothing to do! so here i am, with a big glass of japanese style green tea (sugar free, of course) in hand, getting comfy in the spare bedroom/workstation.

    i’ve got iTunes playing a Genius* playlist based on Tori Amos’ “a sorta fairytale” – though not too loud, mind you. Peter’s still snoozing in the bedroom ;0)

    so much has happened in the last two weeks:

    • the teacher to replace Cyril started work at TFC. suffice to say there’s some teething…
    • i realized that someone at school tried to sabotage me – unsuccessfully.
    • Peter and i moved in together, in a new apartment in Kaohsiung, on Valentines day (!!!yayayayay!!!)
    • my Mom found out that her previous optometrist had defrauded her for years – with a glass disc for a right lens!
    • i realized again how my Dad knows exactly what goes on in my heart, without me having to tell him. this apple-and-tree team might wear different sashes, but we’re of the same stock.
    • my Sister phoned me out of the blue, just to chat. it was amazing! i miss her so much.
    • Peter made me dessert dumplings :0P
    • SA ended up NOT signing the UN declaration on same-sex rights *grrrrr*
    • we went to see Milk – and i was both inspired and reminded of my past. did i do the wrong thing when i left the movement?

    hmm… time to hang up the washing.

    *i’m getting addicted to this new feature!
  • repost from: The Wild Reed

    The Sufi Way


    For many people, whirling dervishes and the works of the thirteenth-century mystic and poet Jelaluddin Rumi are what come to mind whenever Sufism is mentioned. Related to these associations is the not uncommon belief that Sufism describes the mystical branch of Islam. Yet while there is truth to this, it’s an incomplete truth. For as celebrated British author Doris Lessing reminds us, “the Sufis are not a Muslim monopoly [as] the Sufi reality predates Islam [and] has always been introduced, secretly or openly, into every culture.” (1)

    Lessing (pictured at left) also notes that the word “Sufism” is not liked by Sufis as “they see it as a typical Western abstraction, away from the living reality of the Sufi Way, which is embodied in people.” (2) Furthermore, the actual word “Sufi,” Lessing observes, “is not necessary for a fresh introduction of Sufi feeling: many an activity or event or series of events has been Sufic, but no one has known it, perhaps not even the people involved. Many books have been for a Sufi purpose, the word never being used.” (3)

    The Sufi purpose

    Of course, all of this begs the question: what is the “Sufi purpose”?

    Well, according to Dr. Alan Godlas of the University of Georgia, the essence of Sufi purpose and practice is quite simple: “the Sufi surrenders to God, in love, over and over; which involves embracing with love at each moment the content of one’s consciousness (one’s perceptions, thoughts, and feelings, as well as one’s sense of self) as gifts of God or, more precisely, as manifestations of God.” (4)

    Not surprisingly, like all efforts related to experiencing and comprehending the love that is God, the Sufi Way infuses (and often transcends) the structures and practices of organized religion and is all about transformation and enlightenment; all about recognizing and distinguishing “the light” from the various screens that filter it. In this analogy of Doris Lessing’s, the screens represent various “national or historical cultural patterns,” (including those structures and practices of organized religion) whereas the light stands for “a truth which is central to humanity.” (5) For as Lessing reminds us, “the word ‘light’ has been used in every mystic tradition as a symbol for God, the Absolute, the Beloved, the King, the Simurgh, Truth, Life of the World – a hundred other terms.” (6)

    In the 1960s, Lessing was a student of the Sufi teacher Idries Shah, who is credited with playing a major role in introducing Western audiences to the Sufi Way as a form of universal wisdom. In many of her writings – both fiction and non-fiction – Lessing addresses questions related to the meaning and purpose of this understanding of the Sufi Way. One of the most direct of these writings is her 1996 article “Summing Up: When Idries Shah Died,” in which she acknowledges that “people are always asking, ‘But what is Sufism, what are the Sufis, surely it can be put into a few words?’”

    In response to this foundational question, Lessing notes:

    There are some statements, almost aphorisms [that I can offer]: for instance that in every human being is an initially tiny, precious, shining thing, capable of development, which can bring her or him to fulfillment. Or, that the Sufi truth is at the core of every religion, its heart, and religions are only the outward vestments of an inner reality. This last is helpful to people like myself, who find it hard to see religions anything more than systems of indoctrination with perennial tendencies towards the persecution of differently thinking people. (7)

    A gradation of understanding

    In his book, The Way of the Sufi, Idries Shah shares the tale of how Moses rebuked a man for offering to comb God’s hair, wash His robe, and kiss His head. God, however, rebuked Moses saying: “Thou hast driven away a worshipper from the nearest to Me that he could approach. There is a gradation in all men: each will perceive what he can perceive and at the stage at which he can perceive it.” (8)

    Lessing takes from this story the message that “one religion is not better than another: each is an expression of local needs,” and that: “beyond religion, most of whose practices are the ethics of the society in which it operates codified, is a range where experience becomes more complex than the rigidities of good/bad, black/white.” (9)

    I can certainly relate to these observations, yet when I reflect upon God’s response to Moses in the story told by Idries Shah, I cannot help but think of the inability of the Roman Catholic hierarchy to perceive God in the lives and relationships of lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) people. Indeed, when it comes to issues of gender and sexuality, members of the hierarchy (along with those who uncritically accept everything they say) seem to be stuck at an underdeveloped stage in a gradation of understanding and perception. I must admit that it’s often a struggle for me to see such entrenched people as “worshipers” of a God of love and liberation.

    Yet regardless of what I think, these folks (my brothers and sisters, I constantly remind myself) definitely see their efforts to, for instance, promulgate teachings that malign homosexuality and its expression by insisting that they are the results of humanity’s “fallen” state, as a way of displaying their obedience to what they actually believe to be God’s truth. Such unquestioning obedience, I’ve discovered, is what they understand as the hallmark of faithful worship of God. Of course, such a hallmark implies that we have all the answers – here and now; and that the human endeavor isn’t about journeying and developing, but about hankering down and safe-guarding “the (one and only) truth.”

    Don’t get me wrong, there will always be aspects of our experience – certain insights, developments, and truth claims – that are worth safe-guarding. That being said, I have to say that much of the Roman Catholic Church’s stated understanding of gender and sexuality is definitely not something I consider worth supporting or defending. (For a start, such understanding is unreasonable – and any understanding or teaching that claims any kind of respect, or claims its authority in the concept of “natural law,” must be reasonable.)

    A catholic reality

    I’m not in the least bit interested in circling the wagons and unquestioningly defending the hierarchy’s unreasonable theology of human sexuality – one that in its intentional failure to be mindful of and informed by the collective wisdom of the people of God, is not only unreasonable but also immoral. No, I’m much more interested in moving the caravan forward; in acknowledging and getting on with our journey as a pilgrim church – a community still very much in process, still very much discovering the ever-unfolding truth of God within, among, and around us.

    This probably accounts for my growing interest in the Sufi Way, that way of perceiving and being in the world that understands true worship of the Sacred as an openness to growth and change, as a trusting willingness to engage with “the light” as manifested in the lives and relationships of all.

    Of course, those fearful of growth and change may angrily dismiss the Sufi Way as some kind of “New Age” fad. Yet, in reality, the Sufi Way is the life force of all authentic religion. For as Rumi scholar and translator Coleman Banks reminds us, the Sufi Way, the “love way” is not religious; rather, it’s the “origin and longing inside religiousness.” (10) Thus one way I’ve come to understand the Sufi Way is as a religious sensibility, a way of engaging self, others, and the Sacred that, as Shah, Lessing, Coleman, and others have noted, is at the heart of all religions. (It brings a smile to my face to think that this universality makes the Sufi Way a truly catholic reality – “catholic,” after all, means “universal.”)

    Consciousness, conscience, and compassion

    In light of this universality of the Sufi Way, Doris Lessing writes:

    A question like: “But what about a personal God, and the importance of this to so many people?” falls away. St. Theresa of Avila experienced “his Majesty.” St. Theresa the Little Flower talked of “My little Jesus.” A crazy person may say “I am God” – but so did Hallaj, one of the greatest Sufis of all time, who was judicially murdered because he said, in a mystic state: “I am the Truth.” A Spanish peasant girl sees a vision of the Virgin. Sorcerers raise the Devil, horns and all – Spanish St. Theresa saw the Devil until she had got past that stage. Adam and Noah, Abraham and Moses talked with God, in a way which sounds like son with loving father. In India there is a hierarchy of deities which are experienced in the stages of the Hindu disciples. An African witchdoctor experiences God according to the realities of his part of the continent. The modern astronomer has his moments of vision when the skies his mind inhabits become a mirror for something beyond. The light can do no other than fall in the patterns of the screens – the mind of the experiencing person, which has been formed, been set, by his culture, his experience, his prejudices.

    Again and again one is returned to this point: one can do no more than start from where one is. And it is not an unuseful exercise to use this thought in an effort to find out where that is.

    Or as [Idries] Shah puts it: “If you are uninterested in what I say, there’s an end to it. If you like what I say, please try to understand which previous influences have made you like it. If you like some of the things I say and dislike others, you could try to understand why. If you dislike all I say, why not try to find out what has formed your attitude?” (11)

    Yes, it’s all about growing in consciousness, in self-awareness; all about seeking the light beyond all our humanly-constructed (and often arrogantly and fearfully defended) “screens.” I for one like what teachers such as Idries Shah have to say. I also appreciate the efforts of folks like Doris Lessing and Coleman Barks to articulate in everyday language the wisdom of the Sufi Way. I plan on further exploring this way in an ongoing series of posts at The Wild Reed. In particular, I want to explore the Sufi Way and its connections to Christianity (including the idea of Jesus as a Sufi Master*) as well as the Sufi Way and homosexuality.

    Interestingly, I was originally going to title this series, “Contemplating the Sufi Way,” but once I began researching and writing, I soon realized that I’m doing much more than contemplating. I’m already walking the Sufi Way, as are all of us who are striving to live lives of consciousness, conscience, and compassion; we just may not have realized that this term, one among many, exists to name this journey toward union with the Sacred – a journey that is both intimately personal and universal.

    One went to the door of the Beloved and knocked. A voice asked: “Who is there?” He answered: “It is I.” The voice said: “There is no room here for me and thee.” The door was shut. After a year of solitude and deprivation this man returned to the door of the Beloved. He knocked. A voice from within asked: “Who is there?” The man said: “It is Thou.” The door was opened to him.

    – Rumi


    * Chuck Lofy touches on these interesting questions about Christianity and the Sufi Way when, during the interview I conducted with him in 2005, he noted that Jesus said, “I come to cast fire on the earth,” and how, in Christian terms, “this ‘fire’ is the symbol of the Holy Spirit, the guiding and illuminating Spirit that according to the great religious traditions, is deep within all of us. The ‘spark’ comes when we recognize and affirm ourselves as one with this Spirit.”

    1-3. Lessing, D. “Summing Up: When Idries Shah Died.” Daily Telegraph, November 23, 1996. (Also reprinted in Lessing, D. Time Bites: Views and Reviews. Harper Perennial, New York, 2004.
    4. Godlas, A. “Sufism’s Many Paths” at http://www.uga.edu/islam/Sufism.html.
    5-6. Lessing, D. “The Sufis” (first published in Books and Bookmen) in Time Bites: Views and Reviews. Harper Perennial, New York, 2004.
    7. Lessing D. “Summing Up: When Idries Shah Died.” Daily Telegraph, November 23, 1996.
    8. Shah, I. The Way of the Sufi. Penguin Books, 1991 (reprint).
    9. Lessing, D. “The Sufis” (first published in Books and Bookmen) in Time Bites: Views and Reviews. Harper Perennial, New York, 2004.
    10. Barks, C. Rumi: The Book of Love – Poems of Ecstasy and Longing. Harper San Francisco, 2003.
    11. Lessing, D. “The Sufis” (first published in Books and Bookmen) in Time Bites: Views and Reviews. Harper Perennial, New York, 2004.

    Recommended Off-site Links:
    The International Sufi Movement
    Sufi News and Sufism World Report
    Sufis Without Borders
    The Threshold Society

    Recommended Online Articles:
    Rumi and Sufism: Examining Islamic Spiritual Science in the Modern Age – Wajahat Ali (Goatmilk, June 10, 2008).
    Christian and Islamic Mysticism – Thom Curnutte (Ad Dominum, January 2, 2009).
    A Glimpse of Oneness for a Change – Joan Chittister (National Catholic Reporter, November 26, 2008).
    Gay Muslims Reveal Different Evolutionary Stages of Faith Development – Joe Perez (MyOutSpirit.com, November 8, 2007).
    The Mysterious Potential Hiding in Our Pain – Tom Esch (Progressive Catholic Voice, April 2008).

    See also the previous Wild Reed posts:
    In the Garden of Spirituality: Doris Lessing
    My Travels with Doris
    Keeping the Spark Alive: Conversing with “Modern Mystic” Chuck Lofy
    In the Garden of Spirituality: Paulo Coelho
    The Road to Love: Coming Out in Africa and the Middle East
    The Many Manifestations of God’s Loving Embrace
    The Sacred Heart: “Mystical Symbol of Love”

  • holding hands


    there’s a man who holds my hand, when we’re at the movies. when he rests his head on my shoulder – i feel stronger than any celluloid hero has ever been.

    even in my weakest moments, when the shadows of my mind threaten to swallow me whole – his touch brings me back and all anxiety disappears.

    could it be that i have found True Love’s fabled Kiss?

    i think so :0)

  • Apartheid in America

    segregation is the name of the game – and no one plays it as well as Californians, by the look of it. apparently the “Prop 8ers” now want to forcibly divorce same sex families.

    http://www.flickr.com/apps/slideshow/show.swf?v=63961

    it seems all Americans are created equal, some just more equal than others. (does their constitution end in “sich heil”? especially when read by the Governator…)

  • flickering

    oh were i a dying man
    who had no need of your forevers
    but was at peace with merely
    being liked

    then would i drink the
    love of light and
    ne’er be afraid of all
    of beauty’s eventual end

    but lo! i am a living man
    who needs but hear a whisper…

  • Foxxi Misq – Last Christmas

    http://youtube.com/v/Movgl3xMyCE

    it’s that time of the year again!
    thank you to the anonymous commenter who linked to japansugoi and got the ball rolling again ;0)

  • but in humans…

    Gay penguins steal eggs from straight couples – Telegraph

    The two penguins have started placing stones at the feet of parents before waddling away with their eggs, in a bid to hide their theft.

    But the deception has been noticed by other penguins at the zoo, who have ostracised the gay couple from their group. Now keepers have decided to segregate the pair of three-year-old male birds to avoid disrupting the rest of the community during the hatching season.

    A keeper at Polar Land in Harbin, north east China explained that the gay couple had the natural urge to become fathers, despite their sexuality.

    “One of the responsibilities of being a male adult is looking after the eggs. Despite this being a biological impossibility for this couple, the natural desire is still there,” a keeper told the Austrian Times newspaper.

    “It’s not discrimination. We have to fence them separately, otherwise the whole group will be disturbed during hatching time,” he added.

    There are numerous examples of homosexuality in the animal kingdom, but gay penguins have captured the public’s attention more than any other species.

    A German zoo provoked outrage from gay lobby groups after attempting to mate a group of gay male penguins with Swedish female birds who were flown in especially to seduce them. But the project was abandoned after the males refused to be “turned”, showing no interest in their would-be mates.

    In 2002 a couple of penguins at a New York zoo who had been together for eight years were “outed” when keepers noticed that they were both males.

    Blogged with the Flock Browser