absolutwillie

Tag: relationships

  • Counting Crows in my head

    Anna Begins

    My friend assures me its all or nothing
    I am not worried- I am not overly concerned
    My friend implores me for one time only,
    Make an exception. I am not not worried
    Wrap her up in a package of lies
    Send her off to a coconut island
    I am not worried – I am not overly concerned
    With the status of my emotions
    Oh, she says, were changing.
    But were always changing
    It does not bother me to say this isn’t love
    Because if you don’t want to talk about it then it isn’t love
    And I guess I’m going to have to live that
    But, I’m sure theres something in a shade of gray
    Or something in between
    And I can always change my name if thats what you mean
    My friend assures me its all or nothing`
    But I am not really worried
    I am not overly concerned
    You try to tell your self the things you try tell your self to make
    Yourself forget
    To make your self forget
    I am not worried
    If its love she said, then were gonna have to think about the
    Consequences
    She cant stop shaking and I can t stop touching her and…..
    This time when kindness falls like rain
    It washes her away and Anna begins to change her mind
    These seconds when I’m shaking leave me shuddering
    For days she says.
    And I’m not ready for this sort of thing
    But I’m not gonna break
    And I’m not going to worry about it anymore
    I’m not gonna bend. and I’m not gonna break and
    I’m not gonna worry about it anymore
    It seems like I should say as long as this is love…
    But its not all that easy so maybe I should just
    Snap her up in a butterfly net-
    Pin her down on a photograph album
    I am not worried
    Ive done this sort of thing before
    But then I start to think about the consequences
    Because I don’t get no sleep in a quiet room and…
    The time when kindness falls like rain
    It washes me away and Anna begins change my mind
    And every time she sneezes I believe its love
    And oh lord…. I’m not ready for this sort of thing
    She s talking in her sleep-it s keeping me awake
    And anna begins to toss and turn
    And every word is nonsense but I understand it and
    Oh lord. I m not ready for this sort of thing
    Her kindness bangs a gong
    Its moving me along and Anna begins to fade away
    It s chasing me away. she disappears, and oh lord I’m not ready for this sort of thing

  • blast from the past


    my Mom sent me this photo by e-mail. it’s of me and my childhood friend Corné, with our first catch! we were hoping for loads of calamari rings *lol* who knew you needed more than just that one to feed a family? (or that preparing calamari from scratch was an art and not a mere matter of frying the hell out of it *lol*)

    also in this photo is my aunt Ella – may her soul rest in perfection.

    i should write more – but school’s a callin’

    remember when sun, water and friendship was enough?

  • healthy relationships are all the rage

    judging by my blog stats – this post from 4 september 2007 seems to be very popular lately. worth a re-post, methinks ;0)

    • Love should be honest.
    • Avoid that which is bad in favor of that which is good.
    • Let your affections be kind, sincere and honorable.
    • Honor each other.
    • Be the example.
    • Never cool in your commitment.
    • Nurture and develop your enthusiasm!
    • Serve the Lord.
    • Rejoice in hope.
    • Be steadfast in the face of oppression.
    • Pray.
    • Help those around you.
    • Always be courteous.
    • Bless those who persecute – for they are hurt.
    • Never curse another.
    • Share in the joy of those who rejoice.
    • Share in the sadness of those who weep.
    • Always find agreement amongst yourselves. (“find” is a verb.)
    • Never, ever be conceited – in fact, avoid the conceited.
    • Choose in stead those who are humble – and be humble.
    • Be mindful (not proud) of your opinions. Learn more.
    • Forget about getting even – hurting those who hurt you, hurts more.
    • Rather fill your hearts with goodwill towards all mankind. All year long.
    • As far as possible, live in peace with everybody. Make it possible.
    • Revenge is not in your jurisdiction – leave that to God.
    • Rather care and provide nourishment to those you believe to be your enemy.
    • Even more so to those who believe you are their enemy. (The lesson goes both ways.)
    • Do not let evil overcome you.
    • Defeat evil with good.

  • Road Trip: Kenting


    breaking the fast at starbucks
    hiked to kissing rock
    posed near the light house ( 21°53’57.53″N , 120°51’16.23″E)
    drank some coconuts
    and swam in perfect the blue waters of Kenting

    wish you were here ;0)

  • WΔZ

    this is not a review.

    The Price equation (also known as Price’s equation) is a covariance equation which is a mathematical description of evolution and natural selection. The Price equation was derived by George R. Price, working in London to rederive W.D. Hamilton‘s work on kin selection.


    Running time: 104 mins
    Starring: Stellan Skarsgard, Melissa George, Ashley Walters, Selma Blair

    now i’m probably not the best movie critic in the world – but there’s something about this movie that makes me want to tell you about it.

    WΔZ is brittish film noir where i least expected it. if you like your movies to be largely self-explanatory, you’re going to hate this one. Tom Shankland (director) doesn’t breast feed you with his feature film debut. i’m not exactly sure what he does. but it’s still preying on my mind.

    there’s some blood, some gore, grime and questionable acting – but the implication i picked up on at the end of the movie threw me completely.

    no, i don’t think it’s the best movie ever. in fact, a few minutes into the movie i was convinced that i’d thoroughly hate it. you’ll probably think so too – even afterwards. watch it, though. because i want you to.

  • what is love?

    ever wondered how to explain what love is? in the line of thought that brought you the previous aside, my dearest little sister (in the non-genetic sense) posted some kids’ answers on his blog:

    “When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.”
    Billy- age 7

    “Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other.”
    Karl – age 5

    “Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs.”
    Chrissy – age 6

    “Love is what makes you smile when you’re tired.”
    Terri – age 4

    “Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK.”
    Danny – age 7

    “Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss”
    Emily – age 8

    “Love is what’s in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen.”
    Bobby – age 7

    “If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate,”
    Nikka – age 6

    “Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday.”
    Noelle – age 7

    “Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well.”
    Tommy – age 6

    “During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn’t scared anymore.”
    Cindy – age 8

    “My mommy loves me more than anybody. You don’t see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night.”
    Clare – age 6

    “Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken.”
    Elaine-age 5

    “Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford.”
    Chris – age 7

    “Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day.”
    Mary Ann – age 4

    “I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones.”
    Lauren – age 4

    “When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you.”
    Karen – age 7

    “Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn’t think it’s gross.”
    Mark – age 6

    and probably one of the wisest answers was given by Jessica:

    “You really shouldn’t say ‘I love you’ unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget.”


    [youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vvtxzPv_iek&hl=en&fs=1&w=425&h=344]

  • 1 000 000 things i'm thankful for

    i was scheduled to do a “10 things”-list and some meme today – but something better, more profound transpired:

    the last two days have been filled with such beauty, fun and laughter. the “graduation camp” with the kids from my buxiban (CRAM School) was an amazing experience! it’s amazing how alive i feel with them. even after having to sit up all night, comforting my one student who couldn’t sleep – i’m filled with an overwhelming sense of peace.

    it is this sense of peace that opened me up to a universe of emotions tonight…

    i popped in on facebook to load photos of the weekend – and browsed some of my friends’ latest albums. unexpectedly, i was hit by a wave of longing. a dear friend posted pics of his brother’s (my best male friend) farewell in Cape Town. him and his fiancée are headed for the UK to hack out a new future for themselves. seeing their beautiful, excited faces made me long to be there, in that moment, with them. i’m happy for them, excited about their future – but also sad. sad to see the final chapter of, what i should now call our “old” lives come to an end – even if it is via facebook.

    it is no secret that i’ve loved him since the day we met – all of 8 years ago.

    i remember it clearly – the moment we met: my new roommate and his friends picked him up at McDonalds, in a tiny, yellow VW CitiGolf. i was sitting relatively comfortably in the back seat – when i looked into the shining doorway of McD’s at an enormous silhouette coming our way. the memory has probably been colored by my mind – but he looked like a warrior emerging from a brilliant light. my first thought was something like: “he’d better never find out i’m gay – he’d beat the living crap out of me!”

    i couldn’t have been further removed from the truth. the man who squeezed in next to me turned out to be the first, real shoulder to help carry my “burden”. and quite possibly, he was the one who finally lifted it from my shoulders and showed me that i’ve been carrying a blessing all those years. what was my burden became a source of magic. and through all the trials and tribulations i faced – he was always there to show me where the anchors were. even at the hight of my alcoholic madness – he brought peace. no wonder i love him.

    no wonder she loves him.

    i’m choked with a heavy sense of loss. this is me being selfish. but i want to own this feeling, these thoughts. i want to learn from them what i should’ve so many times before. i realise that, secretly, i’ve been waiting for him to love me back… romantically. the truth is that he does love me – and has loved me for years – as only true friends can.

    i also know that this love – powerful as it is – is not the love we seek in a life partner. he has found his in a wonderful, talented and all ’round beautiful woman – and i know that i’m overjoyed! what is hurting isn’t letting go of him – its letting go of all the failed “relationships” i’ve been in whilst “waiting” for him. the sense of loss is rooted in my own realization that i’ve let so many opportunities slip by – and that i can’t blame this on alcohol. i chose those doomed relationships exactly because they were doomed. i wanted them to be doomed. i wanted to be rescued.

    and now i am.
    rescued.

    it might not read the same way it feels, but writing this has thrown me around like a rag-doll in a tumble-dryer. and writing that last admission released me into the light.

    he’s done it again!
    oceans apart…

    Dankie TP – dat jy nog altyd, weereens en steeds my baken was, is en sal wees. My hart is vanaand vol dankbaarheid – vir jou en vir Chanel. Mag jul liefde ook ‘n lig vir ander wees – en kom kuier gou.

  • “If my soon to be ‘ex’ husband thinks…”

    this photograph was taken in front of Nedbank in George today:

    … hehehe – the bastard! you go get him Wendy!

    Blogged with the Flock Browser

  • bonfire of the vanities

    let me see if i can get some reaction out of the ‘sphere today. can you think of a plot?
    here’s a list for you to ponder:

    dramatis pesonae:
    the hairdresser: Maurice
    the pianist/interiors dealer: Miguel (Maurice’s life-partner)
    the art dealer: Cobis
    the clinic’s pre-admissions clerk: Jean (Cobis’ life partner)
    the clinic’s liaison officer: Jobe
    the printer/writer: Guillermo

    ingredients:
    3 course dinner
    Liza with a “Z” (dvd)
    Barbara Streisand CD collection

    Scene:
    Cobis & Jean’s house with a view of the bay.
    saturday
    fall 2008

  • Mom makes my day!

    After a seriously rushed day – I was blessed with the following comment (via Plaxo) on my “How I did yesterday” post:

    Today I want to give you a reminder of what I tried to teach you for almost three decades: Do not be too hard on yourself!!!

    Nobody is perfect, but more important, no mortal soul is so important that his/her choices or decisions will rock the world off its tracks (except some African leaders like Mugabe).

    Take your own advice, and let go and let God. Even if you sometimes take the wrong decision, there is mostly something good to be learnt or experienced as a result. You may not become a millionaire in a week, or be the next big inventor, or the greatest leader ever, but you are unique and special to those lucky enough to know you.

    Some of us cannot imagine a day without your caring , joking, honesty and sometimes scalding sense of humor.

    Keep it up, and keep going.

    Yesterday is gone – nothing can be undone or changed about it; Tomorrow is still a dream – the best you can do is plan for it, but TODAY is your day – your chance to do something special, to laugh out loud, to be someone’s friend, to live according to your principles and faith.

    GO FOR IT!!

    Love
    Guess who.

    (My Mom’s the greatest!!)