sometimes it helps to remember that:
other’s have gone through roughly the same thing as you,
some have studied the process of “getting over it”, and
this too shall pass.
sometimes change can be a very painful experience – especially when prompted by some form of grief or trauma. (and i’m using these words in their broadest sense.) i’ve often found a kind of peace – solace even – in the Kübler-Ross model, as introduced by Elizabeth Kübler-Ross in her 1969 book “On Death and Dying“. although the model was originally developed for people with terminal illnesses – it manages to translate into everyday life quite well.
i found myself thinking about this model often over the last week or so. in sharing it with you, i hope that somewhere, someone else might find it a little easier “to deal”.
keep in mind that the stages are not linear: they don’t necessarily follow a set pattern. some stages might even repeat themselves at random. what is important, is to know that they exist and that we have to go through at least some of them to reach the stage of acceptance.
- Denial — “I feel fine.”; “This can’t be happening, not to me.”
Denial is usually only a temporary defense for the individual. - Anger — “Why me? It’s not fair!”; “How can this happen to me?”; “Who is to blame?”
Once in the second stage, the individual recognizes that denial cannot continue. Because of anger, the person is very difficult to care for due to misplaced feelings of rage and envy. - Bargaining — “Just let me live to see my children graduate.”; “I’ll do anything for a few more years.”; “I will give my life savings if…”
The third stage involves the hope that the individual can somehow postpone or delay [change]. Usually, the negotiation for an extended life is made with a higher power in exchange for a reformed lifestyle. - Depression — “I’m so sad, why bother with anything?”; “I’m going to die . . . What’s the point?”; “I miss my loved one, why go on?”
During the fourth stage, the person begins to understand the certainty of [change]. Because of this, the individual may become silent, refuse visitors and spend much of the time crying and grieving. This process allows the person to disconnect from things of love and affection. It is not recommended to attempt to cheer up an individual who is in this stage. It is an important time for grieving that must be processed. - Acceptance — “It’s going to be okay.”; “I can’t fight it, I may as well prepare for it.”
This final stage comes with peace and understanding of the [change] that is approaching. Generally, the person in the fifth stage will want to be left alone.
