staring at a full moon
spilling over crashing waves
spraying foam in shining eyes
staring at a full moon
– MOSSEL BAY, 27 NOV 2012
Tag: healing
-
New
-
Compliments for Strangers
[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_3_c2Ae0kCI?fs=1]
Thanks Davey Wavey for putting a smile on more than a few people’s faces with this random act of kindness. -
Blitzkrieg: a holiday in retrospect
The Lunar New Year.
9 days off.
Death in the family.
Major surgeries scheduled for 3 family members.Time to go home.
- Friday: Classes end, clean up. Finally got an answer to my marriage proposal: No.
- Saturday: Packed ex’s belongings, departed for Hong Kong, then Johannesburg.
- Sunday: Had a lovely brunch with friends at OR Tambo, flew to George, visited Grandpa’s ashes, cried when I sat down in his house and realized he’s passed through the veil. Family time.
- Monday: Jetlag, NGO meeting, processed orders of business cards. Time with my folks.
- Tuesday: Family time, office time, groceries, made chocolate desert, supper club in Groot Brak.
- Wednesday: Dept. of Home Affairs, meeting with our attorney, quick visit with my uncle, dinner at Transkaroo.
- Thursday: Family time, checked in with friends in Mosselbaai.
- Friday: Meeting with NGO affiliates, farewell hugs, dinner with Gran, pack for the return flight.
- Saturday: George airport closed due to adverse weather conditions, special time with Dad, missed flight to Hong Kong, Special time with Jonathan in Johannesburg.
- Sunday: Checked in early, missed a wedding in Kaohsiung, relaxed in The D Lounge at OR Tambo, boarding for Hong Kong in 40 minutes.
Pulling myself towards myself.
Taiwan, ready or not, here I come!
-
"It Gets Better" — Love, Pixar
[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4a4MR8oI_B8?fs=1] -
True Colors: it gets better
[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KnYa9R4N-8c?version=3]turn up the volumeand view this in full screenthank you to the Gay Men’s Chorus of LA! -
Joel Burns reaches out
… and I hope many more will stand up for the cause of love and acceptance.
[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ax96cghOnY4?fs=1&hl=en_US&rel=0&w=320&h=265]If your child, or a child you know of, is self-identiefied or even perceived to be lgbti – PLEASE reach out to him/her in love and acceptance. Even if you do not understand it yourself – does that matter when you’re saving a life?And if your child, or a child you know of, is bullying others – PLEASE take action, and save another life – as well as his/her soul. Being – or believing to be the cause of another’s death, is also life-threatening and soul destroying.Lastly, let us all take a moment to remember where children get their ideas from: We are culpable. We are responsible. We form their opinions, their attitudes and beliefs – and however indirectly, we guide their actions.Did my silence/rashness contribute to someone’s feeling of hopelessness?Did my invisibility contribute to a suicide?Did yours? -
why i am
Love is the law.
and no, I’m not talking about romance and cozy cuddles, special winks and sweet nothings… i’m talking about the nitty-gritty, push up your sleeves and sweat ’til you bleed kind of love. Loving your neighbor – in it’s broadest extent.i have been through a terrible patch – and I’m not out of the woods yet – but I have again realized the all-importance of Love. in these last few months, i have received compassion, acceptance, support and kindness from all sorts of unexpected places. here in blogland, here in Taiwan and from across the planet. people i never knew had it in them – including people i never knew at all.
through this, i have found that returning love to those around me – not only makes a significant difference in their lives – but it also heals me.
starting from a place of Love, i have made an effort to be there for my students. to reach out to my colleagues. to walk in kindness and compassion with those who cross my path in all sorts of ways. to put the past to rest and find new perspectives all ’round.
it is not always easy – for i am not a perfect being. but i am committed to stay true to Love, and by Grace alone, i am making a difference.
i have often asked myself: “What is my purpose? What is my goal? Why am I here?”
i am glad to say that i’ve accepted the answer.
Paulo Coelho tweeted it – and my heart resonated:
“Your dream is your mission.”mine has always been: “Love”
that is why i am. -
prayer request
i know this isn’t really what anyone wants to read so close to the festive season, but if you have the inclination, please spare a thought or two:
for my old friend Leon, who has lost the battle against cancer and can now only wait…
for Love to grow and heal where me and Peter so desperately need it, and
for our friends and families that have their own journeying and healing to go through.and remember – live life fully and live life now.
tomorrow… well, tomorrow is not a promise we can keep. -
sometimes you just have to love
this old life’s a great, big game
or, at times, a dirty, rotten shame
but through the bickering and bantering
som bric-a-brac and slandering
one thing stands above
sometimes, you just have to lovewhen your lover breaks your heart
by acting like a tart
or silence builds a prison
you didn’t want to be in
there’s not much use for sunscreen
or being a royal Prejean
maybe, you just have to loveand if, perhaps, one random morning
when trying to sleep gets kinda boring
after all your plans have gone belly-up
and you’re just so close to giving up
get up and rouge it
you gotta live through it
and yeah, you just have to love -
reset
it’s not a particularly well kept secret that November was a terribly trying month here at the café. my new job upped my stress-levels a touch; Peter joining his parents in opening a new noodle shop has eaten into our precious free time; old man Winter’s SAD-influence on my internal processes were left unchecked and, the proverbial straw: an intensely personal trial very nearly pushed me off the roof of a building.
it all boiled to a climax about two weeks ago. after trying to cope with my illusions unceremoniously shattering around me, i reached bursting point. the cacophony in my head and heart had me bouncing off the walls… and i snapped. Peter rushed home just in time to stop me from going overboard. both our wounds were opened again and we’ve since started the process of healing.
my physiology finally got a chance to catch up this week: in that faint-and-shake kind of way i’ve managed to avoid for so long. this morning’s epileptic fit in the shower, however, was by far the best thing that could’ve happened to me. you see, this time there was a measure of lucidity to it. what i mean by that is, this time i can remember seeing something. almost like a flickering stream of a thousand polaroids flying past me. i remember seeing my sister, pink flowers, and Peter. i remember a sense of peace. i also remember hearing Peter’s voice fading in from somewhere. he was calling my name – and when i started to come around, his face materialized in a flickering,white haze – which later became the bathroom ceiling.
he got me to our bed where i lay still confused and panting, trying to pull myself towards myself. i knew that Fear was going to grip me any second and was trying to prepare myself for the onslaught. what followed, though, was quite different than usual. in the past, i would be flooded with feelings of terrible fear, horror, loneliness and regrets of all shapes and sizes… but today only one Visitor had come to present itself to me. only one, ice-cold and crystal clear fear: not the fear of not waking up, but the fear of dying and leaving Peter without him knowing how much i love him.
it was at once a crippling curse and a liberating blessing. i managed to see the blessing and chose to take that as my cue. i got up, got dressed and went to lie next to him on the couch. my “reset button” was pushed and i found myself in a place where Love again took centre stage. i’ve been asking for help to let go of the past – and i’m choosing to see today’s events as just that.