Generally people seem to believe that I’m an easygoing, low maintenance and generally nice kind of guy. This makes me happy. While I am all for being an agreeable fellow, there are some things that tweak my tits. In the interest of any potential suitor who cares to read this, the following actions (in no particular order) will get you nowhere fast:
1. Changing my name. If you don’t like what my folks called me, I won’t like you.
2. Claiming my pets as your children (step/foster included). If we ain’t married when you do this, we ain’t never gonna be.
3. Trying to fix me / get me off my meds. I’m bipolar, not broken.
4. Texting paragraphs in rapid succession, using All Caps for emphasis and/or multiple punctuation marks. I’ll think you need therapy, not attention.
5. Making light of alcoholism. Bitch no.
6. Cringing at queer culture, -expression, -humor, -linguistics or -rights related work. If we’re dating, you’re bi/gay/msm. Deal.
7. Being prejudiced. Full stop.
8. Believing racism is a ‘white’ thing. That idea is racist – see no.7.
9. Denying me my own culture and language. Afrikaans is integral to who I am. Classifying Afrikaans speakers as racist makes you prejudiced. See no’s 7&8.
10. Hating on believers. While it’s your right, and I might have a thing against organized religion, I don’t appreciate the belittling of faith. Mine or anyone else’s.
Perhaps I’m being a cranky old man. Maybe all lines should be crossed. That’s okay. Do whatever you want out there. I’m just saying that if you want to get with this scatterbrained wreckademic, you need to get with his program.
#mustlovedogs
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