absolutwillie

Author: absolutwillie

  • Paris je taime 14th arrondissement

    http://youtube.com/v/ZGg7yR0u1NU

    J’adore ce court-métrage! C’est vraiment le meilleur de tout le film.

  • Bang Bang (PSM remix, Kill Bill Trailer)

  • rapid cycling gets you

    Ben, my colleague from Seattle, turned 37 on Sunday – so a bunch of us got together at Coast Café last night for dinner and celebrations. he really is a very cool guy – and i am very thankful for having him around! he’s been a friend to me since my first day here. come to think of it, he’s the closest thing i have to a “best” friend on the island :0)

    anyway, dinner was a relaxed affair with the usual sharing of dishes, stories and language tips that make buxiban socializing fun. and then it happened – a very pronounced episode of dysphoric mania reached it’s crescendo.

    looking back, i can see that this episode has been building for a few days – but it was only when my Taiwanese colleagues started asking me if i’m alright that i realized what was going on… NOBODY gets THAT excited about a cup of coffee! i’m not sure i spotted all the symptoms that got them worried, but i realized i was:

    – laughing randomly at myself
    – jumping from one idea to another (not necessarily obviously related)
    – giddy with excitement when my first (and only)refill (black coffee, no sugar) finally arrived and
    – spouting totally random sentences at equally random intervals.

    thankfully i recognized the situation and excused myself. i drove home carefully, as i was beginning to twitch – which can be dangerous on a scooter.

    walking into my apartment i could feel the switch in my brain flip. i got in bed just in time to sob into my pillows. major high followed by major low.

    symptom checklist:

    • period of heightened irritability followed by an excessively good mood;
    • pressured speech; rapid talking
    • decreased need for sleep and insomnia;
    • flight of ideas and the subjective experience that thoughts are racing;
    • easily distracted / attention-deficit;
    • increase in psychomotor agitation;
    • unrestrained buying sprees (Ben got quite a gift bag *lol*);
    • feelings of hopelessness (especially with regards to my relationship);
    • unprovoked yet overwhelming sense of sadness and
    • thoughts of suicide (recognized as symptomatic and treated that way)

    bipolar disorder is definitely not for sissies – and rapid cycling turns life into an extreme sport! hopefully the risperdal keeps things under control. there are only three weeks left of this semester – and we’re preparing for oral tests! not exactly the best time to go nuts ;0)

  • reviewing 08

    not knowing how to start posting again can be a serious pain in the ankle… thankfully, Clive posted this blog-meme that makes it a bit easier to get going again ;0)

    1. What did you do in 2008 that you’d never done before?
    I moved to Taiwan, became a teacher, experienced my first typhoon, experienced my first earthquake, sang at karaoke bars, circumnavigated an island on a scooter and saw one of my t-shirt designs go into production via springleap.

    2. Did you keep your New Year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
    yup – celebrated 1 year of sobriety one week ago :0D

    3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
    Gretchen and Stefan welcomed baby Kasia into their lives, Meagan and Johan were also blessed with a bundle of joy, I believe.

    4. Did anyone close to you die?
    not this year, thankfully!

    5. What countries did you visit?
    Taiwan

    6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
    certainty, where certainty is possible

    7. What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
    6th of August… why? First date!

    8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
    Definitely making it to the 1 year of sobriety mark.

    9. What was your biggest failure?
    trying to like smelly tofu… I just can’t.

    10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
    Man Flu!!! is there anything worse? lol – no, nothing significant.

    11. What was the best thing you bought?
    my scooter!

    12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
    my Mom! the way she faces everything that life throws at her is beyond inspirational!!

    13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
    erm… keeping in mind that i’m bipolar – this one could go on for ever, or not even start.

    14. Where did most of your money go?
    debt

    15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
    Peter

    16. What song will always remind you of 2008?
    every moment is filled with memories and music… which one popped up first when i read the question? Disturbia by Rihana

    17. Compared to this time last year, are you: (a) happier or sadder? (b) thinner or fatter? (c) richer or poorer?
    a) happier, for sure
    b) thinner!!!
    c) richer

    18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
    spent time with friends.

    19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
    self-editing

    20. How did you spend Christmas?
    working all day and going to bed early.

    21. Did you fall in love in 2008?
    oh and how!

    22. What was your favorite TV program?
    didn’t watch much TV

    23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
    hate is way too strong a word. i try to either like people, or not have an opinion about them… but yes, unfortunately there is a person who elicits negative emotions from me.

    24. What was the best book you read?
    i didn’t really read all that much, come to think of it. shocker!!

    25. What was your greatest musical discovery?
    Colbie Caillat to be sure!

    26. What did you want and get?
    perspective

    27. What did you want and not get?
    peace

    28. What was your favorite film of this year?
    Maid of Honor (i think)

    29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
    we went to Matjiesfontein for my 30th birthday :0)

    30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
    hearing a certain someone say “I love you”

    31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
    worn from the washing line

    32. What kept you sane?
    my relationship with God

    33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
    Han Ju *blush*

    34. What political issue stirred you the most?
    Prop H8

    35. Who did you miss?
    my sister… i miss her a whole lot lately

    36. Who was the best new person you met?
    Yeh Chuan-Sheng

    37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008.
    now is all you truly have – grab it and make it count!

    38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
    “Pappa watch me fly!”

  • and so i begin

    WE CAN all start afresh! However far we have ascended, there is something higher; and however far we have fallen, it is always possible to make a fresh start.

    Eph 4:20

  • always midnight

    http://youtube.com/v/BkF7VtpWKYs

    Are you blind?
    Can’t you see me standing here
    waiting in line?
    For you.
    Are you mine?
    Not just when you wanna be
    all of the time?
    Are you?
    Are you blind?
    Don’t you see me standing here
    Won’t you tell me what it is
    I’m waiting to find..?

    Rod’s sound choice by Pat Monahan resonates so strongly with my emotional state… there’s nothing for it but to post the video and hope it’s enough.

  • The Day Before The Day – Dido

  • celebrating 1 year of sobriety!


    it’s amazing! waking up this morning, i could hardly believe that today’s my first birthday as a recovering alcoholic. what a trip!!

    so much has happened,

    • reconnected to God
    • relocated to Taiwan to teach
    • got a job
    • got an apartment
    • got a scooter
    • met the most incredible person (in the romantic sense)
    • settled most of my debts
    • reconnected with those i lost along the way
    • quit smoking
    • forgave and was forgiven
    • found peace

    since i decided to break out of Baker Street:

    [youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kjYVyndrQuU&hl=en&fs=1&w=425&h=344]

    Winding your way down on Baker Street
    Light in your head and dead on your feet
    Well another crazy day, you’ll drink the night away
    And forget about everything.

    This city desert makes you feel so cold
    It’s got so many people but it’s got no soul
    And it’s taken you so long to find out you were wrong
    When you thought it held everything.

    You used to think that it was so easy,
    You used to say that it was so easy
    But you’re tryin’, you’re tryin’ now.
    Another year and then you’d be happy
    Just one more year and then you’d be happy
    But you’re cryin’, you’re cryin’ now.

    Way down the street there’s a light in his place
    He opens the door, he’s got that look on his face
    And he asks you where you’ve been, you tell him who you’ve seen
    And you talk about anything.

    He’s got this dream about buyin’ some land
    He’s gonna give up the booze and the one night stands
    And then he’ll settle down, in some quiet little town
    And forget about everything.

    But you know he’ll always keep movin’
    You know he’s never gonna stop movin’
    Cause he’s rollin’, he’s the rollin’ stone.
    And when you wake up it’s a new morning
    The sun is shining, it’s a new morning
    But you’re going, you’re going home.

  • remembering the day before Change

    today was nothing at all like the one 365 days ago – still, i will most likely remember that day again in 365 days time. you see, 29 Dec ’07 was the day before the Day.

    i had just returned from my trip to the UK and many of my friends were in the region for the holidays – as were several of my cousins. i’d orchestrated an impromptu beach-braai (bbq) near my house for that afternoon – seeing as how everybody had other plans for New Year’s Eve. the turn-out was quite astounding! (i had a pretty solid reputation for throwing the best parties…)

    i started drinking in the early afternoon – which was not a strange thing for anybody to do, really. we were having so much fun, catching up and reminiscing, joking and making plans, making a huge fire and meeting new friends (everybody brought somebody, of course). the party was light-hearted and cheerful. summer evenings can be endless…

    [youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t8WUV45DdU8&hl=en&fs=1&w=432&h=250]

  • Apartheid in America

    segregation is the name of the game – and no one plays it as well as Californians, by the look of it. apparently the “Prop 8ers” now want to forcibly divorce same sex families.

    http://www.flickr.com/apps/slideshow/show.swf?v=63961

    it seems all Americans are created equal, some just more equal than others. (does their constitution end in “sich heil”? especially when read by the Governator…)