Different worlds? Maybe not…
Jerome Simelane [Thu, 03 Jan 2008]I am a guy and he is a guy. We are from different worlds. Ja well, no fine — what the hell do I mean? Well, here’s the question: To all straight people, how many people do you know that are gay and your friends?
I am the first to confess that I never thought about it. Now, having watched a few episodes of ‘Will & Grace’ I feel I’m qualified to talk on this subject simply because I can laugh myself stukkend while watching the show.
It is a great programme, with sarcasm and satire that most open-minded people can relate to. It is both liberated and liberating.
I never thought I would watch a ‘gay’ sitcom and catch myself laughing and that got me thinking that the whole issue about straight people not relating to gay people is overstated.
In reality…
One of my life-long friends just recently came ‘out’ to me. What I find disturbing is that his revelation made me uneasy at first. Okay, maybe not uneasy but I was shocked and flabbergasted.
This oke, with whom I was so close, was gay and had been all along. It took me some time to process but I realised that it was not up to me to be judgmental — rather, I should be supportive.
Fully aware of the stigma of being gay, lesbian, queer, moffie, or whatever (who knows what homosexuals are called these days) made me think that my friend (and I still refer to him as my bra) was going through identity hell. He didn’t need me to let his revelation get in the way of our friendship.
Which brings me to the next question: “What is so strange about someone being gay?”
Being heterosexual, I don’t expect others to say: “Hey, mfowethu, look, I’m straight!” Duh! That is no revelation to me, it’s like second nature. Which proves we tend to judge others, make assumptions and reach conclusions based on our own beliefs and way of navigating the world — and that subjectivity is so wrong.
What’s the difference?
Back to my friend: We hang together, talk about politics, cars, sex, blah, blah, blah. In actual fact, there is, or rather there was, no difference that was ‘out there’ for me to evaluate.
Believe me, he is not a sissy or trying to be what he ain’t. Now I know that whenever we talked about J Lo’s behind, he was busy picturing Denzel Washington’s eyes or Brad Pitt’s torso and probably devouring Vin Diesel.
But he’s still a guy’s guy to me — we haven’t stopped hanging out, drinking beer, chatting… (although I have to admit its hard to concur whenever he says, “That guy is cute”).
So I guess if I’m going to be a friend I would have to hook him up with a decent, good-looking, to-die-for guy. I have no flippin’ clue where I might find such a person, but I am making an effort. And, whoever said that “plenty of fish in the sea” thing was lying. Sometimes there aren’t.
True friends
The saying, “you cannot choose family” should actually also extend to friends. We hit it off from the beginning and we have grown to know each other very well. A true friend would not desert another friend based solely on the fact that you are now attracted to a different gender.
That he was secure enough to come out is an indication that he trusts me and I admire and have a lot of respect for my bra. Not a lot of people can do that.
And even though this piece is entitled, ‘Different World’, how different are we, really, as people? So if you’re a guy and struggling to relate to a gay friend, here’s some advice — get some microwave popcorn and watch ‘Will & Grace’.
I am a guy and he is a guy. Full stop.
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