Tag: SA culture

  • Talking Foreign: a silly Sunday list

    Today I want to share something of the SMH-variety: things people say that make me Shake My Head. I can’t help but chuckle whenever I witness people throwing themselves at an unfamiliar language, with no clear reason to do so. And nowhere in the world is it so painfully obvious, as right here in our wonderfully multilingual South Africa. The most comical interactions being between parties with a common tongue, choosing to interact in another – usually English.

    I share these gems for your amusement:

    • “How long, round about?”
    • “Now listen nicely…”
    • “This cutlery are so androgynous!”
    • “I can like to wear a jean pant.”
    • “Can I make for you some tea?”
    • “Just feel this sweetness…”
    • “Winter bloom-coal whiff cheese, please.”
    • “I will you navigator.”
    • “I come right, don’t worry.”
    • “Yes no you never know man.”

    Add your favorites in the comments below ;0)

  • Photoblog: Mayor's Gala

    Mom and Dad went to the Mayor’s Gala last night. Aren’t they gorgeous?

  • SA creatives featured!

    I always get a kick out of seeing South Africans making name for themselves!
    This issue of NICE features great talent from Jozi.
    Enjoy!

    http://static.issuu.com/webembed/viewers/style1/v2/IssuuReader.swf

  • "Big Brother's" Cookies (recipe)

    I received the following on e-mail a while back. Seeing as how I received it via chain-mail – and it is therefore already in the public domain – I thought I’d share it here as well.
    After all, I like cookies.
    A very expensive clothing and supermarket outlet (they sell a typical R50 T-shirt for R150), raised the ire of a customer – who continued to share her story:

    My daughter and I had just finished lunch at a W** Cafe in Hyde Park, Johannesburg. Because both of us are such biscuit lovers, we decided to try the ‘W** Cookie’. It was so excellent that I asked if they would give me the recipe. The waitress said with a small frown, ‘I’m afraid not, but you can buy the recipe.’ 

    I asked how much, and she responded; ‘Only two fifty – it’s a great deal’ 

    I agreed to that, and told her to add it to my bill. 

    Thirty days later, I got my Visa statement, and the W** charge was R485. I looked at it again, and I remembered I had only spent R49.95 for two sandwiches and about R120 for a scarf. At the bottom of the statement, it said, ‘Cookie Recipe – R250.00’. That was outrageous!
    I called W** Accounting Department and told them the waitress had said it was ‘two fifty’, which clearly does not mean ‘two hundred and fifty Rands’ by any reasonable interpretation of the phrase. W** refused to budge. They would not refund my money because according to them; ‘What the waitress told you is not our problem. You have already seen the recipe. We absolutely will not refund your money. 

    I explained to the Accounting Department lady the criminal statutes which govern fraud in the state of Gauteng. I threatened to report them to the Better Business Bureau and The Attorney General’s office. I was basically told: Do what you want. Don’t bother thinking of how you can get even, and don’t bother trying to get any of your money back’
    I said, OK, you’ve got my R250, and now I’m going to have R250 worth of fun. I told her that I was going to see to it that every cookie lover in the world with an e-mail account gets a R250 cookie recipe from Neiman-Marcus for free. She replied, ‘I wish you wouldn’t do that.’ I said, ‘Well, perhaps you should have thought of that before you RIPPED ME OFF!’ and slammed down the phone. 

    So here it is! Please pass it on to everyone you can possibly think of. I paid R250 for this, and I don’t want W** to EVER make another cent from this recipe! 

    WOOLIES COOKIES (Recipe may be halved as this makes heaps)
    2 (500 ml) cups butter
    680 g chocolate chips
    4 (1000 ml) cups flour
    2 (500 ml) cups brown sugar
    2 tsp. (10 ml) Bicarbonate of soda
    1 tsp. (5 ml) salt
    2 (500 ml) cups sugar
    500 g Grated Cadbury chocolate
    5 (1250 ml) cups blended oatmeal
    4 eggs
    2 tsp. (10 ml) baking powder
    2 tsp. (10 ml) vanilla
    3 cups (375 ml) chopped nuts (optional) 

    Measure oatmeal, and blend in a blender to a fine powder. Cream the butter and both sugars. Add eggs and vanilla, mix together with flour, oatmeal, salt, baking powder, and bicarbonate of soda. Add chocolate chips, grated Chocolate and nuts. Roll into balls, and place two inches apart on a cookie sheet. Bake for 10 minutes at 180 C.
    The above quantities make 112 cookies. 

    Enjoy!

    I guess that’s the difference between winning a battle and losing a war ;0)
  • Auriol Hayes " Take It Slow "

    a little bit of Cape Town in the morning…
    *sigh*

  • so that was halloween

    looking back, this year’s halloween most definitely deserves another post. it was, after all, the first time that i “did” halloween the way Americans do.

    you see, halloween was not very popular in SA when i was growing up. quite the contrary, in fact. not that ghosts and witches weren’t fun – we did have haunted carnival rides and even played “haunted house” at school events. just never on the 31st of october. i suppose some grown-ups in the bigger cities might have had a party, but i don’t recall caring much about that as a youngster.

    in fact, i only started enjoying halloween in my university years – and i had quite a few of those ;0)

    remember, i only ‘discovered’ booze on my 19th birthday. (of course i knew about wine and liquor before – i just didn’t like it.) but on my 19th birthday i discovered i DID like the bubbly! quite a bit. so much so that, much like any other student, most of my free time was spent finding a reason to party. life was all about having fun and getting drunk. add to that the opportunity to dress up and be as weird as you care to be… you get the idea.

    any party was an excuse to drink copious amounts of whatever had some kick in it. strangely enough, most people were more fun in costume (out of character) – or, in my case, in drag! back then, we had more fancy dress parties than anything else!

    when i switched from studying Town- and regional Planning to a degree in Interior Design – one of my closest friends had the fortune of celebrating her birthday on November 1st. Halloween party PLUS birthday after midnight… instant success!

    so yeah, that’s pretty much what halloween was all about for me and my friends: getting.wasted.

    carving pumpkins was something americans did – who knew why or what for? messy for sure.
    trick-or-treating? sounds like playing “tok-tokkie”, without running away before someone opened the door – and what’s the fun in that?



    tok-tok·kie [ tòk tókee ] (plural tok-tok·kies)
    noun  South Africa
    Definition:
    1. insects African beetle: an African beetle that makes a characteristic sound by tapping its abdomen on the ground to attract a mate. Family Tenebrionidae.

    2. leisure children’s game involving knocking on doors: a children’s game or trick of knocking on somebody’s door and then running away before it can be answered.

     ———————————————————

    fast forward to last week.
    i’m working in an American school, with real Americans, in a culture that practically worships everything about the United States.

    my kids want to carve pumpkins. the school actually set aside class time for this. these carved pumpkins go on display for the school’s only “event”: the Halloween party.

    being the only outside event that our school has – it is THE moment to dazzle and beguile. suddenly, our costumes are seriously important. the show is for awing kids and parents alike – which is great PR for the school, which means new students, which means business.
    then there’s also the after-party…
    yes, there’s an after-party in town, where throngs of foreigners get together for the “best outfit” competition. not only are the prizes pretty cool – but there’s a bit of prestige to it. and apparently our school always wins one of the three categories. (no pressure)

    so… carving the pumpkin was nerve wrecking. although i’d read up on carving templates and techniques beforehand, i was seriously feeling the pressure when i walked through the front door that morning. my concerns about carving a decent pumpkin, however, were overshadowed by the fear of slipping and hurting a student. kids, as you well know, loose all sense of caution when curiosity takes over. i ended up barking “too close!” more often than plunging the knife into the (resistant) pumpkin. i was sweating bullets. (or balls, as my colleagues put it.)

    thankfully the pumpkin emerged looking pretty decent, without any blood being spilt.

    next up was the party itself – and i had no idea how i was going to pull off a “genuine” halloween costume (or perform a quick ditty on stage). all i had to do at my previous school was scare the living daylights out of everybody!

    i ended up sticking to what i knew best – and went as a zombie. my theatrical flair ended up being a bit TOO scary – and i had to loose the bloodied mouth and throat. the white contact lenses, however, couldn’t be made less scary. unless i took them out. which i didn’t, seeing as how i’d painted my whole body. (there was no way i was going to stick a painted finger in my eye!)

    during the night’s activities, i managed to perspire myself into lighter and lighter shades of blue as i went along. so much so, that i had to turn to the art-supplies of my manager for some additional blue poster paint.

    for the stage-show i merely hopped around the way chinese zombies are supposed to – which drew a great response from both the crowd and management.

    then we headed for the after-party. i squeezed out too much paint for my last application, but decided to bite the bullet and use it all. worked like a charm! i visibly scared the sh!t out of people on the way to the bar – and at the bar itself. success!! i didn’t enter the competition in the end – but my boss won best dressed male.
    he went as marilyn monroe.

    (mahat maghandi came second. obviously spelling ability was not a prerequisite.)

  • notes from beyond: 28 August – SA – am

    It’s 10:56am and we’re sitting in Cape Town International Airport waiting for our flight. no delays so far – but we’re early. that’s what happens when you arrive 2 hours early for your international flight and then realize the first flight on your itinerary is domestic… they should really do a bit more for domestic travelers. in a word the domestic terminal can be described as: meh.

    aside: i saw a super slick BMW on the way up Table Mountain – al shiny and black – license plate: MEH

    *i laughed*

    soooo… our SA adventure is coming to an end. at 12:20 we board for Jo’burg and then it’s off to Hong Kong! this time ’round we should be able to enjoy the Hong Kong experience a bit more – seeing s how we have a 9 hour stop-over before we fly to Kaohsiung.

    i had 8 hours in Zurich once: walked a lot and took some snaps of a chapel’s stained glasswork – by Chagal nogal.

    it still feels surreal when i think that we’ve been here for 15 days already. there’s never enough time when you’re having fun. but i prefer having had too little time rather than too much. it’s positively ghastly when you have too much time on holiday…

    we did manage to do a whole lot with our time, though.

    our first day was spent in Johannesburg, where we got to have fun with Karl at Gold Reef City (did the tour and everything). we also got to have dinner with Jonathan, his bo Jon as well as Clive and FJ! i was also blessed to have my dear friend Keri (from my days at Tukkies) join us for drinks. (non-alcoholic ones for me, of course.)

    busy first day: check!

    the following morning Karl whisked us back to the airport – next stop: George!

    some pics of Gold Reef City:

    heading into the mine

    the terrible twins (astrologically speaking)

    fanagalô

    Peter’s got the gold!

    now THAT’s a burger!!

    time for a break.

    more to come ;0)

  • foreigners are funny

    i had a good bucketful of chuckles while reading this post from Mel’s blog:

    enjoy!
    ———-

    Subject: World Cup 2010… Questions from tourists

    These questions about South Africa were posted on a South African Tourism Website and were answered by the website owner (great sense of humour!).

    Q: Does it ever get windy in South Africa? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)

    A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

    Q: Will I be able to see elephants in the street? (USA)

    A: Depends how much you’ve been drinking.

    Q: I want to walk from Durban to Cape Town – can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)

    A: Sure, it’s only two thousand kilometres take lots of water…

    Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in South Africa? (Sweden)

    A: So it’s true what they say about Swedes…

    Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in South Africa? Can you send me a list of them in JHB, Cape Town, Knysna and Jeffrey’s Bay? (UK)

    A: What did your last slave die of?

    Q: Can you give me some information about Koala Bear racing in South Africa? (USA)

    A: Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the pacific.

    A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe which does not…oh forget it. Sure, the Koala Bear racing is every Tuesday night in Hillbrow. Come naked.

    Q: Which direction is north in South Africa? (USA)

    A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we’ll send the rest of the directions.

    Q: Can I bring cutlery into South Africa? (UK)

    A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

    Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys’ Choir schedule? (USA)

    A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is… oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Hillbrow, straight after the Koala Bear races. Come naked.

    Q: Do you have perfume in South Africa? (France)

    A: No, WE don’t stink.

    Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in South Africa? (USA)

    A: Anywhere where a significant number of Americans gather.

    Q: Can you tell me the regions in South Africa where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)

    A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

    Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in South Africa? (France)

    A: Only at Christmas.

    Q: Are there killer bees in South Africa? (Germany)

    A: Not yet, but for you, we’ll import them.

    Q: Are there supermarkets in Cape Town and is milk available all year round?

    A: No, we are a peaceful civilisation of vegan hunter-gatherers. Milk is illegal.

    Q: Please send a list of all doctors in South Africa who can di spense rattlesnake serum. (USA)

    A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca, which is where YOU come from. All South African snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

    Q: I was in South Africa in 1969, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Hillbrow. Can you help? (USA)

    A: Yes, but you will probably still have to pay her by the hour.

    Q: Will I be able to speek English most places I go? (USA)

    A: Yes, but you’ll have to learn it first.