How I did yesterday

Yesterday I listed my “just for today” goals.
Here is how it went, in retrospect:

Yesterday I almost managed not to stress about “tomorrow”. If banks would stop calling me and reminding me that my credit card payments are over due (of which I am painfully aware)- I might do better today.

Yesterday I was happy – until my Mom’s bad spell at Aquarobics. No-one’s exactly sure what happened – but it looks like another heart attack.

Yesterday I tried to adjust myself to what is. When I realised I was trying to adjust everything to my own desires, I reminded myself to let go – and let God.

Yesterday I strengthened my mind by attempting designs that pushed my skills. I almost tried to read Franz Kafka’s “The Trial” again – but didn’t.

Yesterday I only exercised my soul in one-and-a-half ways:
I did somebody a good turn, but got found out.
I only did one thing I didn’t want to – taking a lady home after Aquarobics.
I did, however, manage not to show anyone that my feelings were hurt.

Yesterday I was agreeable. I looked pretty well in a white, weather-appropriate outfit (thankfully we live and work on the coast). I talked low and with a smile, acted courteously and refrained from criticising anything – or anyone. (Scratch that – I did go off about Stormhoek…)

Yesterday I almost had a program. I didn’t write it down – and didn’t follow it exactly, though I did try to save myself from hurry. Indecision still plagues me though. And the indecision is about choices I have to make about my future. (See point one re: not tackling my whole life problem.)

Yesterday I had a quiet half hour all by myself. It was quiet outside, but noisy inside. I need to learn how to relax. During this half hour, I tried to get a better perspective of my life, but ended up going on tangents about the choices I just referred to.

Yesterday I ended up being afraid. Not of enjoying what is beautiful, but of screwing it up. I’m not sure what I’m giving to the world… and it feels like the world is giving me a headache.

It’s lunch time now. Maybe I’ll do better this afternoon?
(This morning has gone to the dogs already.)