Today, I was tested. Standing in for a Math teacher wasn’t the issue, as she had neatly set out all the work for each period on her desk. All I had to do was hand out the work/tests and let them get on with it. So no, on the actual content side there was no issue.
In truth, it was only one kid that brought me to the doors of despair. There are some impenetrable kids, walking crows-nests of hurt and anger, that just won’t consider their peers. It’s not about refusing to conform – I get that. And it’s not questioning of the Status Quo – I get that too.
It’s the vortex of chaos inside their minds that wrongs themselves even further – as well as those around them. A couple of periods over 7 weeks are not enough to get to the core of their dissociation. There’s nowhere near sufficient time to help them out of that misery.
All I can do, really, is become a vivid memory of a safe place. Or loose my sh!t completely, forget about all this bleeding-heart nonsense and have them live in fear of my anger!
*sigh* I’m sure there’s a balance to be found here. I’ll just have to keep on keepin’ on.
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