Tag: grief

  • Blitzkrieg: a holiday in retrospect

    The Lunar New Year.
    9 days off.
    Death in the family.
    Major surgeries scheduled for 3 family members.

    Time to go home.

    • Friday: Classes end, clean up. Finally got an answer to my marriage proposal: No.
    • Saturday: Packed ex’s belongings, departed for Hong Kong, then Johannesburg.
    • Sunday: Had a lovely brunch with friends at OR Tambo, flew to George, visited Grandpa’s ashes, cried when I sat down in his house and realized he’s passed through the veil. Family time.
    • Monday: Jetlag, NGO meeting, processed orders of business cards. Time with my folks.
    • Tuesday: Family time, office time, groceries, made chocolate desert, supper club in Groot Brak.
    • Wednesday: Dept. of Home Affairs, meeting with our attorney, quick visit with my uncle, dinner at Transkaroo.
    • Thursday: Family time, checked in with friends in Mosselbaai.
    • Friday: Meeting with NGO affiliates, farewell hugs, dinner with Gran, pack for the return flight.
    • Saturday: George airport closed due to adverse weather conditions, special time with Dad, missed flight to Hong Kong, Special time with Jonathan in Johannesburg.
    • Sunday: Checked in early, missed a wedding in Kaohsiung, relaxed in The D Lounge at OR Tambo, boarding for Hong Kong in 40 minutes.

    Pulling myself towards myself.

    Taiwan, ready or not, here I come!

  • watch it. watch it again.

    and watch it in full screen,
    with the volume way up…
    [youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z2mf8DtWWd8?fs=1]
    if you’re going to drive – don’t drink. AT ALL.
    and if you see your “tipsy” friend taking his/her keys and heading for the door – take their keys, get them home safely, worry about the vehicle when everyone’s sober. (an acquaintance of mine gave his buddy his bike’s keys back, who proceeded to smash into someone else.)
    THINK
    before you
    DRINK
    before you
    D(R)I(V)E
  • prayer request

    i know this isn’t really what anyone wants to read so close to the festive season, but if you have the inclination, please spare a thought or two:
    for my old friend Leon, who has lost the battle against cancer and can now only wait…
    for Love to grow and heal where me and Peter so desperately need it, and
    for our friends and families that have their own journeying and healing to go through.

    and remember – live life fully and live life now.
    tomorrow… well, tomorrow is not a promise we can keep.

  • list: elisabeth kübler-ross' 5 stages of grief

    sometimes it helps to remember that:
    other’s have gone through roughly the same thing as you,
    some have studied the process of “getting over it”, and
    this too shall pass.

    sometimes change can be a very painful experience – especially when prompted by some form of grief or trauma. (and i’m using these words in their broadest sense.) i’ve often found a kind of peace – solace even – in the Kübler-Ross model, as introduced by Elizabeth Kübler-Ross in her 1969 book “On Death and Dying“. although the model was originally developed for people with terminal illnesses – it manages to translate into everyday life quite well.

    i found myself thinking about this model often over the last week or so. in sharing it with you, i hope that somewhere, someone else might find it a little easier “to deal”.

    keep in mind that the stages are not linear: they don’t necessarily follow a set pattern. some stages might even repeat themselves at random. what is important, is to know that they exist and that we have to go through at least some of them to reach the stage of acceptance.

    1. Denial — “I feel fine.”“This can’t be happening, not to me.”
      Denial is usually only a temporary defense for the individual.
    2. Anger — “Why me? It’s not fair!”“How can this happen to me?”“Who is to blame?”
      Once in the second stage, the individual recognizes that denial cannot continue. Because of anger, the person is very difficult to care for due to misplaced feelings of rage and envy.
    3. Bargaining — “Just let me live to see my children graduate.”“I’ll do anything for a few more years.”“I will give my life savings if…”
      The third stage involves the hope that the individual can somehow postpone or delay [change]. Usually, the negotiation for an extended life is made with a higher power in exchange for a reformed lifestyle.
    4. Depression — “I’m so sad, why bother with anything?”“I’m going to die . . . What’s the point?”“I miss my loved one, why go on?”
      During the fourth stage, the person begins to understand the certainty of [change]. Because of this, the individual may become silent, refuse visitors and spend much of the time crying and grieving. This process allows the person to disconnect from things of love and affection. It is not recommended to attempt to cheer up an individual who is in this stage. It is an important time for grieving that must be processed.
    5. Acceptance — “It’s going to be okay.”“I can’t fight it, I may as well prepare for it.”
      This final stage comes with peace and understanding of the [change] that is approaching. Generally, the person in the fifth stage will want to be left alone.
    i went through quite a few cycles of bargaining and depression this time around – thankfully “anger” only reared it’s menacing head twice. (nobody was physically hurt in either instance.)
    acceptance, for me, was both a process and a choice this time.
    a choice, much like finding joy, that i have to stick to.

    but now, i’m afraid i have to get ready for work.
    hope you are all well!
    may your day be bright, comfy and pleasantly familiar ;0)

  • still here

    although i am by far not ready to talk about it, i realize that total radio silence from me would be irresponsible.

    thought for the day: Be merciful to those who fail you.

  • a post! a post… nah, more music

    i was honestly going to post something deep and meaningful tonight. and to get me in the mood – i read some of your awesome mails, tweets and blogs for fodder and inspiration.

    some of you struck quite a few chords tonight… a closeted man’s dream of love, a potent farewell, and a billet doux from long, long ago.

    i’m choked up, to be honest.
    so here’s a clip of the song that’s echoing inside.

    love one another. fiercely, openly and enthusiastically.

  • Give me one good reason…

    Mob beats up Alzheimer patient for ‘shoplifting’

    Alzheimer sufferer James Frederick Brown, 69, found dead in police cell for ‘stealing’ chocolate worth R8,50…

    “Kill him, kill him,’ screamed the Shoprite cashiers as the mob carried the frail old man out, with children punching him from below…

    Jul 11 2008 Kriel.
    Afrikaner Alzheimer sufferer James Frederick Brown, 69, couldn’t even remember whether he’d paid for a bar of chocolate — but he was set upon on Tuesday at the Shoprite supermarket in Kriel by a security guard — and then attacked by a vigilante mob, which was egged on by screaming cashiers yelling ‘kill him, kill him”, while they were carrying the sick old man out of the shop, punching and kicking him.

    Mob carried him out while kids were beating him up:

    An elderly eye-witness — too terrified to provide a name — described how a large mob had dragged the sick old man out of the shop – ‘children were even beating up on him from below’.

    * “It was horrid. Even the cashiers added to the hysteria by screaming that the old man had to be killed if he wants to steal chocolates.’

    Brown’s daughter Rose-Marie Steyn said the old man had wandered from their home at around 12:30 from their home in Springbok Avenue, something he did often. “Everybody in our neighborhood knew of his confusion caused by his Alzheimer’s. We started worrying when he didn’t come home at around 13:30,’ she said.

    Police held him at gunpoint in a dark cell:
    A hairstylist working nearby then phoned her husband Willie to let them know that the old man had been arrested for theft.

    * “We spent all afternoon at the police station trying to see him but the police refused, claiming he was ‘aggressive’ and should rather sleep.’

    * “We told the police that he is an Alzheimer’s sufferer but they refused to listen,’ said his wife Rosa Brown. “A policeman even told me that he was keeping his gun on him because James was so wild.’ They insisted that he be kept in the cells until 18:00.

    “When we finally went to fetch him Willie went along to calm my dad down,’ said Mrs Steyn. The horrified family found the old man lying on his back on the floor of the dark cell, in a large puddle of blood. The police on the scene claimed he ‘d probably ‘fallen in the cell and hit his head’.

    Local doctor Leon Pelser immediately was called in to examine Mr Brown in the cell with family present.

    * Dr Pelser said: ‘it was so dark that I had to ask a policeman to turn on his flash light so that I could try and revive Mr Brown. Under these most horrid circumstances I opened up his airways with a pipe and massaged his heart, but to no avail. I entered the cause of death as ‘unnatural’.

    * “I examined him very thoroughly because I knew there will be an inquest.’

    Police superintendent Abie Khoabane claimed in his comments to Beeld newspaper that Brown ‘already had blood on his face and his clothes when the (shop’s) security guards handed him over to the police.’ He wasn’t there at the time – he ‘s just the police spokesman for the province.

    Dr Pelser said he’d found wounds to the old man’s right-eye, his nose and chin, and a large hole in the back of his skull. How he came to get these wounds will have to be established by an inquest.

    Beeld cited Mrs Sonto Mlotshwa, the manager of Kriel Shoprite – claiming that the old man had been “arrested for theft”.

    * She didn’t know a thing about the way he was assaulted by the mob during this ‘arrest’ although she must have been present, and the security guards wouldn’t say a word either.

    * And Shoprite‘s management are also stonewalling: they were unable to comment as to how a confused old man with Alzheimer’s ended up being arrested and assaulted by a howling mob of shoppers, being encouraged to ‘kill him’ by screaming tellers – just because he couldn’t remember whether he’d paid for a R8,50 bar of chocolate or not.

    Brown’s family are besides themselves with anger. “How can they do this to an old, sick man? He didn’t deserve this. His illness made him difficult at times, but he probably just forgot to pay,’ his daughter wept.

    PS: Shoprite’s management added that they use “outside contractors” to provide security… Of course that makes it all better.